restlessness seeping through the pores of darkness.
solitude, i asked for solitude. and now that it's here, it fills me with grief.
perhaps what we get are not quite what we want
or need.
the fridge starts humming.
i stand up and plug the lights in
they glow yellow and orange, warm and comforting.
i'd left my shirt and bra hanging off the couch.
this place needs more care, more presence
when you leave, i will return
when you leave, life will resume its rhythm.
a beat or two behind, but i'll make do
when you leave...
when you leave...
"when you leave..."
everything happens after that clause
or perhaps everything will tumble apart.
regrets
live without regrets
what sort of life is a life without regrets? a life that zooms forward like a brand new automobile on an 8-lane super highway. a life where you move forward without hesitation and never look back?
there are different degrees of regret, different forms. regrets sprouting from attachment. regrets stemming from what anchored us at a point in time. these type of regrets i can never and would never want to eliminate altogether.
i want to walk on a tightrope, to know that i'm suspended between the past and the future. i want to walk forward and look back knowing that i'd left something in order to move on. i want to acknowledge that loss. i want a life full of holes needing to be filled, full of patches, a life worn at the edges like the blanket i'd kept since a child. i want to grow old recklessly. i want to hope with the full knowledge that there's no big break at the end of road, that dreams often turn to air and light. but there's no reason to stop them from streaming into one's head, and for that moment blur the boundaries of reality.
regrets. sadness. the things that tug at our hearts are often things that fill us with sadness. why avoid them. how to avoid them and be able to taste a bit of the magnitude of our existence.
what sort of life is a life without regrets? a life that zooms forward like a brand new automobile on an 8-lane super highway. a life where you move forward without hesitation and never look back?
there are different degrees of regret, different forms. regrets sprouting from attachment. regrets stemming from what anchored us at a point in time. these type of regrets i can never and would never want to eliminate altogether.
i want to walk on a tightrope, to know that i'm suspended between the past and the future. i want to walk forward and look back knowing that i'd left something in order to move on. i want to acknowledge that loss. i want a life full of holes needing to be filled, full of patches, a life worn at the edges like the blanket i'd kept since a child. i want to grow old recklessly. i want to hope with the full knowledge that there's no big break at the end of road, that dreams often turn to air and light. but there's no reason to stop them from streaming into one's head, and for that moment blur the boundaries of reality.
regrets. sadness. the things that tug at our hearts are often things that fill us with sadness. why avoid them. how to avoid them and be able to taste a bit of the magnitude of our existence.
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