frantic

the sun broke my shadow into numerous pieces, each pointing towards a different direction. you too are leaving soon. i don't know why but the things you say always weight deep in my heart. about the unbeautiful beautiful and those people with thick dark shadows. i was scanning through my phonebook realizing the numbers are dwindling... my shadow is fading.

i should be at work but i'm still sitting here... tired. not physically.

someone quote a line from a famous German writer that life ends the minute you say "let me be in this moment a bit longer." be content but not satisfied she said. But i kept wondering. there must be things that mean more than others. and when that ends so does part of you. and try as you may, the dead part will not come back to life.

i feel some peace around you and her. people who understand what it feels like to be partially dead and how certain points in time can freeze into concrete. without too much words or explanation. just sensing. feeling.

we are strange beings don't you think? wanting to be understood, wanting someone to see what we see, to confirm our existence and defy our loneliness. and yet we are scared. scared of being see-through and of proximity. too close. give me air to breath. it's a battle to balance things out and not overdo. perhaps that's why i like your silence. not pushing but not leaving me fumbling.