lists for the new year

mong 2 tet

the 2nd day of the lunar calendar. insomnia had somehow slipped in with the new year on the 1st. i laid awake till dawn, streams of thought racing through my mind, crossing each other as they head off in every possible direction. stopping nowhere, getting nowhere. simply running, endlessly, into the darkness.

tonight, i've decided to sort what i can into 3 piles. and maybe my head will clear up and sleep will return. the things i like, the things i don't like and the things i don't care abt. at least at this moment. tomorrow i might change my mind.

things i like/want/care about:
1. Freedom. i can write pages and pages on what i mean by freedom, but for now imagine blank whiteness, free of form and meaning. and whatever that is exactly is to be discovered in the coming year.
2. 頑張る気. Hard work. aha. but i still need to find paid work.
3. Being curious. the key to progress and to get my lazy ass off the ground.
4. A number of people. yes, that includes you.
5. Being comfortable. very crucial to being me.
6. The ability to want and care about something. apathy is truly a terror.
7. simplicity. working towards simplifying and minimizing.
8. Creating. a joy. be it in the form of words or shapes and colors
9. more materialistic stuffs - Food. crucial to sustaining happiness and the mortal body.
10. walks.
and so much more. starting this list was a foolish attempt.

things i dislike:
1. lack of imagination. leading to all sorts of "lackness". a serious disease.
2. laziness. like dust collecting on shelves, or rust on bicycle chains, requires regular check ups and clean outs.
3. depression. ahh...the hormones.
4. discussion of the self. a frequent and on-going mistake that paves way to nothing more than boredom and confusion.
5. the exhibitionist streak. an unappreciated quality. very much so.
6. inability to carry through a promise. better not say anything in the first place.
7. self-pity. cry and spit it all out if necessary. but pick yourself up and move on.
8. phonies. fake conversations and procedures. they kill me.

things i don't care about or rather don't care enough about: 1. money. while this is a serious concern and the main cause of aging in the last year i just can't seem to care all that much to make improvements. sigh. other than that since they're on the "don't care" list there's really no point in thinking about them in the first place.

phew. this listing business is getting me all worked up. maybe i should lie down and count sheep. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5...