Thursday, May 15

Heavy clouds trimmed in gold hung low in the sky. the train curved the bend and headed into queens. i put my book down and gazed at the sky, the guy in font of me too has dropped his book and turned around, leaning on the window. That big big sky above us, soft with clouds and undisrupted by rows of skyscrapers felt like a giant comforter.

My mind wandered to a conversation last night:
"Office jobs are pretty fun actually, if you think of it as a game and just play along."
"Don't you think it's just a defense mechanism so you can deal with the boredom?"
"I don't know, it's not bad."

Playing along might be all very well but after a week or even just a day you don't really know what's you and what's not any more. especially if you're in a position that's not exciting but not terribly awful - a relatively comfortable spot, it would numb your mind and sedate your desires to break off and do something you find meaningful. I don't know about other people but I definitely don't want my life to be largely fake and pretense.

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Socrates Sculpture Park is only 15 minutes' walk from my apartment. After work i dropped my stuffs off at home, changed into jeans and went for a walk.
2 blocks away from my place is a high school. the sport teams were practicing noisily in the adjunct field. all kinds of sports in one common space - a big concrete field painted bright green.

Dogs run free in the park, delirious with unbounded freedom. they filled the place with happy barking.
our shadows stretched long under the evening sun and the smell of newly mowed grass rose up from the earth. i stood beside the river listening to the sound of water licking the bank. it's like lying back on a cradle, rocking back and forth.
manhattan rise on the other side, reduced to silhouettes in the setting sun.